Project Thailand: Re-thinking Leadership Reflection

My revised view of leadership:

         Women are a minority in the business world, is a thought that has regularly come to the table at this hui in Bangkok.  Contemplating if this is because we are still seen better as mothers and should be in the home OR worse, not as able as MEN to do the task has motivated me to make a conscious decision and ‘choose’ to be a leader, as a wahine and as a Māori.  I mean, when it comes to leadership I’ve kind of just filled in the roles because ‘someone had to’ – someone had to karanga, someone had to be Young Women president (and they asked me), someone had to organize a family dance, Mum made strong suggestions that I study to become a teacher, someone had to answer that question – this all, rather than a conscious decision to become a leader, that when I make ‘this’ choice, I’m choosing to become a leader.  This hui has helped me ‘consciously’ decide to make decisions to become a strong, wahine Māori leader. 

     At the same time, I’ve found that I’m ticking the two minority boxes presented at the hui today.  First as a Māori and then, as a Woman.  However, as I reflect on this I am grateful for the spirit of ‘Mana Wahine’ and the part that Māori women play in Māori society, that we as women have various very overt stations of leadership in our world, in my world (kaikaranga, kaiwaiata, kaitiaki, Māma, Whaea, kōka hoki).  My mother and Aunties are strong Māori women and leaders in our whānau, also in the communities in which they live.  They are beautiful Māori women who are sharp shooters, who don’t sugar coat it or water it down – it’s a double-shot of straight up and at the heart of it love, concern and a desire for more, from me as their niece, ‘Never mind getting married’, ‘When are you getting married?’, ‘Uh, you haven’t been going to the gym’.  These are the women who have influence my understanding of what a woman is, what a Māori woman is and how I conduct myself.

         However, when I first arrived and met up with the group at the Aetas hotel and observing the beautiful (mostly Asian and/or Pākeha) women around me most were in dresses and presented themselves in a very graceful, feminine manner.  I was immediately able to identify my difference to these strong women leaders as opposed to my rough kind of presence.

         I thought – I’d like to emulate that type of woman during this hui (graceful, demure, strong and feminine) – and so confided in my Gizzy mate Arish that’s what I wanted to do, and knowing me a little longer than most others laughed at this attempt and suggested that I take my cap off, and let my hair out – I took my cap off and left my hair up… LoL!  Needless to say that he had NO confidence in my abilitiy to either 1. Be graceful, demure OR feminie OR 2. My inability to NOT be myself.  In any case he was right!  I didn’t last 5minutes. J

         However, last night when we (as a group) walked to the restaurant it pelted down with rain – Jamie offered to share his jacket with me as an umbrella and I allowed that space (feminine, graceful and demure) – although at the ambassadors whare I was the only one to ask if I could dip my feet in his pool (Me) L, anyway we walked into the restaurant and Shareejan very sternly said to me ‘Pania, sit by me, we need to talk’, and I immediately sat down with no back-chat (graceful) and it was empowering to not be so ‘me’!

         However, as I’ve continued to reflect on this place, space and I’ve realized that I am a product of a very matriarchal family.  Yes, the men in my family I love and they also play a very important role in my life – at the same time I realize though that it is my mother who remains at the top of the list of people I admire and would like to emulate in who I am and become.  She’s the sharpest of sharp shooters.  And why wouldn’t I want to be like her?  She is the link between me and my other women ancestors who are much like her and why wouldn’t I want to be like them?  And instead of focusing on what and who I cannot become, I accept and welcome who I am becoming – He uri ahau ō Ngāti Hine ki te Taitokerau.  Ka rere te toto o Hineamaru ki roto i ahau tae noa ki Eileen Witehira ki a Paremo Matthews.  ACCEPT & WELCOME.

         In countries where selling your daughter for a flat screen TV is not only accepted but part of culture? It just doesn’t even calculate in my mind – having people do their best to return daughters home to have parents disappointed at their return is mind-boggling what human does to each other, even to their own flesh and blood, and I am blessed and grateful.

         Why is this important and how will my participation in this Asia New Zealand foundation hui have a positive impact on my whānau and their future?  It’s because of my 23 nieces and nephews – 13 of them, a majority of them are beautiful, Māori girls, who will grow to be Māori women, who will grow to be leaders.  Who will celebrate our sharp shooting, non-sugar coated  or non-watered down ways, – our double-shot of straight up-ness because at the heart of it is an understanding that is all given in love, concern and a desire from an Aunty to a niece.

         And, if I have been able to sort through this cognitive dissonance I experience as the only Māori woman in the Leaders Network of the Asia New Zealand foundation, then I can feed this to my nieces so that they can put this struggle aside to face something new because they will be at peace with it because I have been through it and have helped them understand the complexities of living in Āotearoa, a partner to the crown and a neighbour to our multi-cultural country.


Hope you made some sense of this rambling and reflection… :D


Aroha’s,
Parns